Malays are very good people with very unique, distinct features in politics, culture, and traditions- and there is no other race and no other tribes, comparable to the Malays. I’m proud to be a Malay.
Malays are also famous of some emotional matters. Let’s read this poem. (It is in Malay. Translate it here http://translate.google.com.my)
MELAYU
Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana Nakalnya bersulam jenaka Budi bahasanya tidak terkira Kurang ajarnya tetap santun Jika menipu pun masih bersopan Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan.
Melayu itu berani jika bersalah Kecut takut kerana benar, Janji simpan di perut Selalu pecah di mulut, Biar mati adat Jangan mati anak.
Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya: Jawa itu Melayu, Bugis itu Melayu Banjar juga disebut Melayu, Minangkabau memang Melayu, Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu, Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu, Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu Malah mua’alaf bertakrif Melayu (Setelah disunat anunya itu)
Dalam sejarahnya Melayu itu pengembara lautan Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman Begitu luas daerah sempadan Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan
Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya Kias kata bidal pusaka Akar budi bersulamkan daya Gedung akal laut bicara
Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal tanah sebidang mudah terjual
Meski telah memiliki telaga Tangan masih memegang tali Sedang orang mencapai timba. Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali Melayu itu masih bermimpi
Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri. Berkelahi cara Melayu Menikam dengan pantun Menyanggah dengan senyum Marahnya dengan diam Merendah bukan menyembah Meninggi bukan melonjak.
Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing Maruah dan agama dihina jangan Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan
Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali Silaturrahim hati yang murni Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut Luka pun tidak lagi berparut
Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan: “Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan Suami pulang lapar tak makan Kera di hutan disusu-susukan Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran”
Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu? Jangan takut melanggar pantang Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan; Jangan segan menentang larangan Jika yakin kepada kebenaran; Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan Jika percaya kepada keadilan.
Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana Memegang tali memegang timba Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka
~ Usman Awang
AMOK and MELATAH are two Malay words, and both are untranslatable.
In the Oxford Dictionary,
amok /@”mQk/ (also amuck)
· adv. (in phr. run amok) behave uncontrollably and disruptively.
– ORIGIN C17: via Port. amouco, from Malay amok ‘rushing in a frenzy’.
In the Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
latah \ˈlät-ə\
noun: a neurotic condition marked by automatic obedience, echolalia, and echopraxia observed especially among the Malayan people.
Let’s talk about our topic, melatah.
Latah is a cultural-bound syndrome among Malays, Eskimos, some Indians. But recently, I discovered that some Sarawakian rural ethnics are also melatah.
Why? Melatah is very contagious, very infectious. Whoever made a person melatah, he/she is prone to have the same syndrome of the victim. The good news is, not all Malays are melatah, and to make someone not melatah to melatah, takes some time.
I am one of them. 😛
Still wondering what is melatah? Here’s a video for you.
Notice what they say? “Oh pokok!” “Opocot!” “Oh mak kau!” “Alamak kau jatuh, eeeeeh…!”
That’s the words of melatah. The sudden increase in volume of sound, the sudden saying of any words, sudden insults are then, are some actions of melatah.
Yes, melatah is contagious. Just like AIDS, fast-spreading but the effect takes time.
Even men do melatah. No medicine is found for melatah yet!
Melatah is in fact a reflex action. Everyone around a person who melatah, beware. Besides the fun, there is danger waiting.
I’ve found an old women with an impressive melatah. She is my late grandma’s friend. Our family, indeed, most of them are melatah. No matter which gender they are from, yes, melatah is a very contagious syndrome, it will infect everyone.
I’m not insulting anyone but seriously, it is quite fun to make someone melatah, as well, being melatah.
In academia, melatah is still in study, and the status whether it is a syndrome or a mental disease or a mental problem or whatever, is still unknown and melatah is in research right now. The researchers are mainly Malays, which is the origin of melatah itself! There is a film made by Universiti Teknologi MARA (UiTM) students, called “Melatah the Documentary”, and surprisingly, the film won several awards!
In conclusion, melatah is an interesting action, and it is irresistible. Now, shock your friends, and in a little second, “Opocot, mak kau!”
This article is NOT anti-Pro-Mahasiswa, not even an oppressive writing. Honestly, I am neither Pro-Aspirasi nor Pro-Mahasiswa. I am a non-partisan and I do respect both parties as both represents the ‘voices’ of those undergraduates. Hereby, I hope that Pro-Mahasiswa readers won’t be shocked or be too emotional after reading this post.
Hi, Guys! =)
Today, I feel want to be like KAK LEHOT…. who’s wanna join me? Haha…
Today, our topic- MISINTERPRETATION – Part 1 (University Politics).
Malaysians are very prone to misinterpretation. Why? Let’s talk about anything- from business to politics- they always misinterpret things. From my observations, yes, I can confidently say that Malaysians can be easily influenced. I never say that it is a bad thing, indeed it is a right thing if it benefits. Let’s talk a little about politics here.
When I say politics, what will be inside the thought of Malaysians?
Barisan Nasional, the union of 14 political parties that rule the country since Independence
Barisan Nasional, Pakatan Rakyat, PAS-DAP-PKR…………………..
Pakatan Rakyat, the union of 3 political parties that made up the Opposition in the Parliament
Bersih 2.0 rally, elections, who will win, who will lose, democracy, change, Hudud Law…………………
DS Najib Tun Razak, DSAI, Tuan Guru Nik Aziz, Lim Kit Siang…………………..
I didn’t say it is wrong at all. Political parties are all about dimensions of thinking of the Malaysians.
But one thing that make politics dirty- actually the actions of those politicians, even university politicians. I would like to express a disagreement on the amendment of the Section 15(5) University and University Colleges Act (UUCA). According to the amendment, Undergraduates are eligible to support or to be a member of a political party.
Those so-called Pro-Mahasiswa will be the most benefiting. Pro-Mahasiswa is a ‘political party’ established in universities, and most of those are anti-establishment, which means they are good of critics. In University of Malaya, the Undergraduate Parliament consists of 23 Pro-Mahasiswas, 16 are from pro-establishment Penggerak Mahasiswa or GERAK, and 2 non-partisans.
Penggerak Mahasiswa, or GERAK, the Pro-Aspirasi movement in UM
Since the Pro-Mahasiswa reign in UM, I saw that those “Member of Parliaments” didn’t do anything, more than attending university functions, distributing surveys, making nonsense (demonstrations), making a non-workable referendums, and so on. It doesn’t limited to only UM; it is also happened in other universities especially Councils with a majority of Pro-Mahasiswas. Some pro-government bloggers predicted that there is a conspiracy between those Pro-Mahasiswa with the Opposition (Pakatan Rakyat PAS-DAP-PKR).
Pro-Mahasiswa UM
WHATEVER.
Dear Undergraduates…
DON”T BE FOOLISH, DON’T BE STUPID, DON’T BE EASILY INFLUENCED.
YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING. YOU EVEN DID NOT PAYING FOR YOUR PTPTN LOAN YET, THEN YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE UNIVERSITY SYSTEM?
‘RETURN THE AUTONOMY OF UNDERGRADUATES’ -BULLSHIT.
Undergraduates are given the very best- freedom of speech, freedom to study, freedom to make friends and to socialize, freedom to debate… That’s what you call as ‘No Autonomy’? Bullshit.
‘UNDERGRADUATES ARE NOT STUPID’ -TRUE BUT THEY DO APPEAR STUPID.
WHY?
Demonstrations, and anything alike are the WORST ways to resolve a problem. Dear Undergrads, do you know ‘win-win’? Think of a solution benefiting both parties in a problem. The Government is not your servant. They are the one that enforces the law so that we are doing the right thing. I think your parents taught you about manners, right? What’s our 4th AND 5th Rukun Negara? Oh, yes, I shouldn’t have to mention it- they are clever enough. Maybe they forgot, yeah, I understand… so let’s revise back
KEPERCAYAAN KEPADA TUHAN (BELIEF IN GOD)
KESETIAAN KEPADA RAJA DAN NEGARA (LOYALTY TO THE KING AND THE COUNTRY)
KELUHURAN PERLEMBAGAAN (THE SUPREMACY OF THE CONSTITUTION)
KEDAULATAN UNDANG-UNDANG (THE RULE OF LAW)
KESOPANAN DAN KESUSILAAN (DECENCY AND MORALITY)
Demonstrations (I mean, mass, destructive demonstrations) like Bersih 2.0 violates The Rule of Law and also Morality and Decency.
What do we get from such demonstrations?
NOTHING BUT DESTRUCTION.
On the 23rd December after the Friday Prayers, there should be a demonstration in UM regarding the poor Wi-Fi services in UM.
But what made me shocked is that there was no demonstrators at all. Policemen were aligned in front of the mosque, and the Penggerak Mahasiswa clan hung some banners saying ‘Stop Demonstration In Campus!’. Journalists were waiting then. But, no demonstrations. Why? All the resolutions in the referendum- to ask the Students Affairs Department to return and abolish Wi-Fi fees and to upgrade Wi-Fi services- is already been discussed and yes, it’s over.
I wonder how hard it is for the Members of the Undergraduate Representative Committees especially the Pro-Mahasiswa to spend 3 hours to sit with the Student Affairs Division of UM and talk about it? No demonstrations needed. Just hand in the memorandum or do an on-paper referendum and hand in the results!
And I wonder, for what the course of GTEE 1113 Technical Writing is taught in UM? Do you ever think about those simple things, Pro-Mahasiswas and the representatives? Why can’t you just use what you’ve learned and present it in more professional way? I will respect Pro-Mahasiswas and other representatives if you do that. From that you will show a very good example of an undergraduate- applying good things which you’ve learned- and that’s what Pro-Mahasiswa should be!
Do you need a demonstration?
KEEP UM AND OTHER UNIVERSITIES OUT OF THOSE BULL**** POLITICS!
For undergraduates, you are a grown-up. Don’t think that a problem can only resolved in one way. Think of a softer, kinder but more radical solution.
Next Post: MISINTERPRETATION Part 2- we will talk about students and business.
P.S: Thank you DS Najib Tun Razak for visiting UM just now. And thanks for pinching my belly 😀
Today, I don’t feel that good, so I decide to publish an article posted in The Borneo Post, about the popular, sharp-tongued, fast-talking phenomenon named ‘Kak Lehot’. I’m a big fan of her, and I ever posted an issue in her Facebook page. Let’s read this article together.
Reality bites with Kak Lehot
A LOCAL radio station has unleashed a sharp-tongued, quick-talking phenomenon known as Kak Lehot.
Sarawakians who tune in to this particular station will attest to the hilarity, yet very real everyday issues brought up by Kak Lehot over the airwaves through a daily segment called ‘Zon Inggar bersama Kak Lehot’.
For those who do not really understand Bahasa Sarawak, ‘inggar’ basically means ‘menyampah’ in Bahasa Malaysia, and in English, it refers to things that just drive you nuts or up the wall.
Those who have never listened to Kak Lehot’s segment really should. Be warned though, that the segment is entirely in our local Bahasa Sarawak.
Even those of us who think we speak and understand Bahasa Sarawak may have a little trouble following her, as she uses ‘bahasa lama’ with words that are seldom heard these days.
The oomph factor that gets people listening and wanting more from Kak Lehot is how she ‘ngerepak’ (nags and complains) about little things that get to us everyday and eventually offers some words of wisdom in a very ‘Mak Nenek’ (grandmotherly) manner.
The humorous, but cynical way in which she approaches these issues, her unscripted and scolding words literally makes one roll over with laughter.
And yet, it gets us thinking about the reality of human behaviour and idiosyncrasies that we experience daily.
One may even accuse her of being bitchy, but really, one has to have an open mind towards criticism to appreciate the messages that Kak Lehot is trying to convey to the public.
Among the topics that Kak Lehot has given a piece of her mind on over the airwaves are abuse cases, speed demons on the road, those irritating moviegoers, lepak culture, smokers, minah rempit (yes, the female version of mat rempit), snobbishness (Lehot calls these group of people snobby) and the power hungry.
Even those who indulge in karaoke have not escaped Kak Lehot’s sharp tongue.
The Eye especially enjoyed her segments on office politics (about those who go around trying to butter up their bosses) and pengilan or wedding receptions (where guests, ladies namely, try to out-dress and out-accessorise one another).
As for her segment on the power hungry, she hit the nail on the head when she pointed out that there are those who want to head every committee available – despite not having the brains, dedication and actual leadership skills – just for the sake of ‘glamour’ and the feeling of being in power.
But just who is Kak Lehot, really? At this point, she is a faceless character with a distinct voice over the airwaves who brings us daily doses of hard hitting reality in the mornings.
Over the Internet, she is represented by a somewhat ugly caricature that somehow looks like a bespectacled dude in a red dress with his hair up in a bun. It makes one wonder if Lehot in actual fact is a dude, and not a lady.
But the little mystery adds to the appeal of Kak Lehot and her segments.
Her catchy tag-line ‘kau tek kacak?’ (loosely translated – you think you’re so good?) has become a household phrase among many locals.
But do not attempt to use it if you just can’t speak Bahasa Sarawak.
There is a particular way of saying it – the intonation has to be just right for it to bear its meaning or to get across to the person it’s meant for.
So if you’ve missed her on the airwaves, not to worry, Kak Lehot is everywhere these days and you can catch up with her words of wisdom on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.
Sorry for not updating the blog for months. After matriculation, I went to a temporary job. Then, I feel really lost that I feel want to work again. On the 5th day of Eid, I left home for my beloved university where I’m doing applied chemistry, University of Malaya. Well, people come and go, and people live and die. I just never expected that I will never see my late grandmother after I left home. So, I dedicate this post to the late Hajah Semah binti Bejak (born 4 June 1925, died 19 September 2011).
She was a mother of 7 children (11 to be exact, 4 of them was dead) and a grandmother for 20 grandchildren, including me. She was a native speaker of Jatti Meirek language, which that most of the parts of the world just don’t know. There are just about 10,000 speakers of the languages, and most of them are residing in Miri.
I did some ‘research’ about the tribe actually, and it seems like the language is somewhat endangered. With only 10,000 speakers, and very small community have learned the language, it seems that (it is just my prediction) if it is not preserved and recovered, the language, the tribe and the legacy will disappear in maybe seven generations from now. The family of Daham bin Ott is one of the family that still using the language, until now.
Reflecting the history of my late grandma, she lived just beside my house, and we always had time together. I watched her selling cakes in front of my aunt’s house, and seldom, I helped her to sell the cakes, until the school bus arrived. She always complained to me that the kids who bought her cakes made her run out of coins. And, for sure I was her customer. Sometimes, she gave me free pulut panggang (grilled glutinous rice filled with shrimp sambal which cost around RM1 for four. Well, it was 10 years ago, when I was in primary school.
I saw her in her old age, she turned weak, and uncontrollable. I still remember she lost a lot of blood when she fell down a couple of years ago. She ever talked nonsense about her children and her relatives, but actually none has ever happened.
She had a best friend which always visited her. I called her Nek Alus. Nek Alus lived near the riverside and was a poor, old woman. We even didn’t received any news from her children. So sad to listen.
And actually, Nek Alus was died a few days after I arrived from Labuan, when my grandma was bedridden.
My grandma suffered dementia since about 4 years ago. She talked nonsense, she ‘dropped’ everywhere, she couldn’t even manage herself. How sad her condition was. My mother was stressed when some of her siblings refused to help her. My father looked for a maid as a substitute. And, my father have to pay the maid’s salary, and buy my grandma’s necessities, and, well, our family’s needs. It is sad to remember how hard it is for my parents to keep her.
A year ago, she couldn’t walk, nor stand. She needed a wheelchair to move. A few weeks after that, she just can’t speak, and sooner, she was bedridden. Luckily for me, I could see her every day even though I was working from 9am to 10pm. And since then too, there is a big family gathering I never seen since she had dementia.
We sometimes made gatherings to just reunite the family together. We cook a lot and eat a lot then. Now, the house seems to be empty. No one in the house except my mum and my sister.
Sometimes, we invited people to come to the house for some rituals of prayer. Even an ustaz ever came to our house.
The fifth day of Eid is the day I left home for University of Malaya. I never thought it will be the last day I could see her face.
On Monday, 19 September, I went to the Perdanasiswa complex to manage my PTPTN loan, and sadly it is rejected. So I talked to my mum that maybe I just don’t need those loans. Well, then I went to the library to look for a maths textbook. I received a phone call, and I was shocked to hear my mum cried. My grandma passed away.
And that’s the end of my story. Don’t want to weep here, just pray that she will be safe in the Hereafter.
Dear Fatin…
I remembered the moment I reveal my biggest secret, and I also remembered the moment you do the same. The 1-hour call changed me a lot. I just can’t forget how I feel that moment.
I was attending a camp. Everything was OK, but one.
I hope you understand how do I feel and how I suffer from my own mistake, and most of all, you understand why do I feel so ashamed of myself.
It starts when I fell in love with you. The day I left Jugra is the first day I have to live without seeing your face. Remember what I wrote in EVERYTHING IS A REASON? I waited you at 3 o’clock and you didn’t come. Zu replaced you, and giving me a bag of gift inside. I was surprised, you gave me Cheezels. I love Cheezels.
I was so confident that I can get straight A’s. Sadly, I wasn’t. We both apply the scholarship for overseas study. You got it, and I’m not. I was mourning and you were happy. My mum was trying not to remember and my dad made me mad all the times, opposing me, until now.
During the days, I always shouted my parents on the phone. I spent most of my credit on you. I’d nobody except you.
I feel a little relieved when i was in Labuan. I was away from my parents. But, I was so disappointed that you got the opportunity to study overseas. since then, I often went to the cyber cafe, and surf for information on US universities. Sadly, I feel down because it is not my fate to have the same chance as you. I eagerly forced my parents to send me away. I feel that I want to run away from Malaysia since then.
And days passed by, and the moment came.
You said that you have a boyfriend.
I really feel down until now despite some friends actually helped me. WH, for example, is the one who help me through the hard times. I feel very disappointed and terrible. I started to shun myself from thinking about anyone. I really feel sorry to my parents. I just shout and say bad words to them. I hated them. And I hated myself so much. I went to the counselor for help for 16 times, but nothing happened. I feel so heartless until now.
Dear Fatin,
actually I worried about you, honestly. I worried about being apart with the one I love the most. I don’t want to lose you. I understand how hard you try to achieve and grab what you want. I ever imagined how hard your life will be when you are there. I ever imagined how hard my life will be without you. And the most of all, I EVER IMAGINED HOW DARK MY FUTURE WILL BE. I hope you understand how hard I regain back my teenage years.
Yours sincerely,
HRH Prince Righty I
P.S: Fatin, I really hope that you pray for my success. Please don’t let me down… I really want to be beside you, facing ups and downs together. Forgive me… 143T.T
Memorable things in my life... I just can't forget them
Labuan Matriculation College… the place I hated the most. I hate the place, but sometimes hatred taught me something. I should treasure whatever memories I’ve been gone through. I am sad, and truly disappointed for my pointer- 3.46. not a good number to tell.
The picture shown above is a picture taken in my room, with my 16-year old teddy. There are my college ID, my transcript, my SPM certificate, the picture of my tutorial class, a keychain from a friend, a paper bag from a friend and two letters from two friends.
Whoever has a connection to any of the objects above (you know who you are) you are my besties 🙂
Apam balik. Two words originated in Malay roots. That’s my favourite snack, and I like to have it every day. It just like a pancake, with peanuts, sugar and sometimes Planta on it. I love apam balik so much.
There are a lot of stories about apam balik I have. Since 1986, apam balik made famous in Miri. There was a restaurant in Miri selling apam balik. It was famous that time until rapid urbanisation came to Miri. Finally, the restaurant is closed, and the owner moved to a stall near Tamu Muhibbah, where Mirians buy their daily necessities. Years passed. I don’t know where is the family right now.
But still, I can taste apam balik until now.
Back to a few days before I went back from Labuan, I met a man selling apam balik in the town. his apam balik is not that ordinary, but it is 18 inch in diameter!
An apam balik seller (or a couple of sellers). RM4 for each 18-inch apam balik... too cheap to be shared by 6 person.
He is an apam balik seller which sells apam balik for more than 20 years. We talked a lot then. He said that there was a circle of friends set up a small business, selling apam balik. After 6 years, the circle breaks , and then each of them tried to set up individually. Only one of them succeed- him.
His apam balik is quite different than the others. 18-inch apam balik with fistful of peanuts and sugar, and some Planta, and a little bit of banana flavour. I bought one, I brought it to the surau, and guess what? 6 persons, including me, were full.
Now, I am working. almost every day, I went to a stall near Boulevard, buying apam balik. I share the taste to everyone, because for me, the earth is just one.
During your childhood, you’ve been exposed to friendships. From the kindergarten, where you’ve been taught to be caring to one another, to play together and to discover new things together. As you grow up, you meet new kind of friends, and you are taught to ‘choose your friends’. Then, you’ll meet somebody that you think could probably your best friend. He/She has good background, good characteristics, and good manners. both of you play together, study together… the same thing.
Then comes your adolescence. You are very prone to change, and you are very sensitive of whatever happened around you. People around you will influence your thinking, and at the same time, you do influence others. It will be a big turning point in your life, when you’re no longer depend on your parents on emotional and social support. Then, your friends will be the ones who cares about you, feel empathic towards you… and the ones who make you feel happy and cheerful every day.
Well, is it important for us to ‘choose’ our friends?
Well, I will say NO.
I saw those teenagers everywhere. They don’t smoke, they don’t drink liquors, and I’m very sure that they abstain from premarital sex. Some short-minded teens said that those three bad things are cool, but not most of their friends.
And, I am a teenager.
Wherever I go, I will meet different people, and they have different characteristics, manners and attitude. I’ve met a lot of children, teens and adults. But then, I saw a similarity in them. They are just the same. We are different in some cases, but we are actually SAME.
So, what are friends for?
When I was in Form 3, I am thinking about having a best friend- a friend that will help me whenever I’m down and the one that will help me to be better than who I was then. I searched a lot about friendship. I searched them, I printed them, I read them and I tried to understand them. I tried to practice them and well, they don’t really works.
My SM Sains Miri schoolmates, 2009
…and I wait… until now. I met a lot of person in my life- smokers, drug addicts, illegal racers, bloggers, orphans, badminton players, soccer teams, talkative teens, lazy boys, mean girls, bullies, and very little pious and good boys, and so caring and understanding teenage girls. I analyse them all. I befriend them all. I listen to all of them, and I’ve found that they do have a similarity- they have their own story to tell. They have reasons to become smokers. They have their own reasons to become drug addicts. They have their own reasons for them to listen in empathy. And yet, I have my own reason to tell you why am I writing.
It is worth waiting when I’ve found my first love when I was in National Service. Her name? Read EVERYTHING IS A REASON part 2.3. Every teen have his/her own first love story, and now I’ll telling mine. She is a good and intelligent Malay girl. I met her for the first time in the CB class, and we’re in the same group. I was attracted to her. Since then, I contacted her almost every day in the camp. I never expected that she is my first love. I NEVER expected it.
After National Service, I continuously contacted her. We phoned sometimes. Suddenly, my mum knew about our relationship. My mum scolded me badly. Then, the application for the PSA scholarship is opened. I applied, but my mum forced me to apply for sponsorship to local private universities. I regretted so much the moment. Until now, I blamed my mum for making me regret such chance.
And the same goes to her, but I regretted for the second time. She got the scholarship. From then, I cried almost every night. I could not tell anyone. I was speechless. My main concern since then is attempting to commit SUICIDE. The burden was unbearable. The suffering continues… until I entered matriculation. I managed to gain back my spirit in a couple of weeks. I competed in the college election, and I won. I was the Academic Exco of the Student Representatives.
My deputy Academic Exco was an intelligent Chinese girl named Woon Hui. She is 43 days younger than me, and she is one of the top achievers in the college.
Sunday, 27 June 2010 was my darkest day in my life. It was the moment my heart breaks into pieces and I felt really down then. She broke up with her boyfriend and she decides not to talk to me since. Well, me… I feel really sorry to her if I was the reason for the crush. I was attending a camp in Kota Klias, Sabah that very day. In the bus when I went back to the college, I cried a lot. The first person I told about the incident was, you know it, Woon Hui. She is the one who comforted me then. Since then, almost every day, I cried and I cried and I cried.
I didn’t know what actually happened to me. I can’t stop crying since the day. Maybe I was depressed.
I went to the counselor, but still, the feeling is not relieved that much. I look for Woon Hui. I told her all my problems and I cried. I think that’s the moment our friendship become stronger. I shared a lot to her, and she told me hers.
Maybe God wanted to give what I asked for 4 years. I think that she is the best friend I ever met in my life. Then, I learned something. Sometimes, we can’t feel that God is making our dreams true, but sometimes, we feel sad for meeting somebody we love for such a long period of time, and we are going to separate to our own ways; and then, we realise that God loves us very much.
I respected her for being that hardworking and intelligent. She is quite active in some activities, but finally I realised that nobody is actually perfect.
She has a loving family. She has a very loving and caring father. Since she was small, she was nurtured with care together with her two siblings. Her father was once resigned from work because of some family reasons. I wonder how responsible her father is to his family. She shared a lot to me. I just had 6 hours to talk to her and to share everything to her. Then, I feel relieved. A lot.
I don’t know how grateful I am to have such a good friend. do you know what Woon Hui said to me?
“I think you’re beautiful. Without you, the world will lose a loving father, a loyal husband and a good friend.”
“This is one way to die. Don’t commit suicide. Don’t be foolish. Vote ZANU-PF and live.” – Robert Mugabe, in the video.
Let’s see what happened in Zimbabwe under Robert Mugabe’s presidency.
Zimbabwean dollar
On 27 November 2007, the chief statistician of the Central Statistical Office, Moffat Nyoni, announced that it would be impossible to calculate the inflation rate of the dollar any further. This was due to the lack of availability of basic goods, and subsequent lack of information from which to calculate the inflation rate; plus, most computers had an insufficient number of digits and software. The International Monetary Fund has stated that inflation is predicted to rise to 100,000% per annum.
On 14 February 2008, the Central Statistical Office announced that the inflation rate for December 2007 was 66,212.3%, and the unofficial exchange rate was Z$7.1 million to the US$1.
On 20 February 2008, the Central Statistical Office said that officially, inflation has in January 2008 gone past the 100,000% mark to 100,580.2%.
On 4 April 2008, the Financial Gazette (FinGaz) reported that officially, inflation in February 2008 jumped to 164,900.3%.
On 15 May 2008, the Zimbabwe Independent reported that officially, inflation in March 2008 jumped to 355,000%.
On 21 May 2008, SW Radio Africa reported that, according to an independent financial assessment inflation in May 2008 jumped to 1,063,572.6%. The state statistical service has said there are not enough goods in the shortage-stricken shops to calculate any new (official) figures.
On 26 June 2008, the Zimbabwe Independent reported that, latest figures from the Central Statistical Offices (CSO) showed that annual inflation rose by 7,336,000 percentage points to 9,030,000% by June 20 and was set to end the month at well above 10,500,000%.
The Sydney Morning Herald reported that inflation was likely to be 2 million percent in May 2008 and 10-15 million percent in June 2008, according to John Robertson, a respected Zimbabwean economist.Robertson estimated inflation in July 2008 to be 40-50 million percent. Inflation can only be estimated because of the impossibility of following the cost of individual goods.
According to Central Statistical Office statistics, annual inflation rate rose to 231 million percent in July 2008. The month-on-month rate rose to 2,600.2%. By December 2008, inflation was estimated at 6.5 quindecillion novemdecillion percent (65 followed by 107 zeros).
As predicted by the textbook quantity theory of money, this hyperinflation has been caused primarily by the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe’s choice to mushroom the money supply.
Since February 2009, following a period of hyperinflation and widespread rejection of the devalued currency, companies and individuals are permitted to transact domestic business in other currencies, such as the US dollar or the South African rand. In consequence, the Zimbabwean economy has undergone dollarization and the Zimbabwean dollar has fallen out of everyday use.
As the outbreak and health crisis grew worse, American and British leaders cited the crisis as further proof that it was, in their view, “well past time for (President) Robert Mugabe to leave” and that Zimbabwe had become a failed state. The Zimbabwe government and state media responded by blaming the outbreak on European and American sanctions and accused Britain of plotting an invasion under the cover of the outbreak. Information minister Sikhanyiso Ndlovu blamed the cholera deaths on Western sanctions, saying “the cholera issue has been used to drive a wedge among us”. On December 12, Ndlovu repeated his accusation, and claimed that the cholera outbreak was actually a “serious biological-chemical weapon” attack by the United Kingdom, which Ndlovu asserted was trying to commit genocide. Said Ndlovu:
Cholera is a calculated, racist, terrorist attack on Zimbabwe by the unrepentant former colonial power, which has enlisted support from its American and Western allies so that they can invade the country.
In the meantime, a senior ZANU-PF official argued that the government and party leadership was more focussed on the forthcoming ZANU-PF conference than on the current crisis. On 11 December 2008, President Robert Mugabe made a speech screened on national television in which he said:
I am happy to say our doctors have been assisted by others and WHO (the World Health Organization)… so now that there is no cholera… Because of cholera, Mr Brown wants a military intervention… Bush wants military intervention because of cholera… There is no cause for war any more. The cholera cause doesn’t exist any more.[50][51]
Reports from the WHO contradicted Mugabe’s view and indicated a growing death toll. According to the WHO, as of 8 December nearly 800 people had died of cholera and more than 16,000 cases were being treated. Later that same day, Zimbabwean visas were denied to six French aid workers, including three crisis management specialists, two epidemiologists and a water treatment expert. Britain’s Africa minister, Mark Malloch-Brown, dismissed Mugabe’s claim that the Zimbabwe cholera crisis is over, commenting as follows:
I don’t know what world he [Mugabe] is living in. There is a raging humanitarian crisis in Zimbabwe as well as an economic crisis and still there is no representative government able to lead the country out of this disaster.
The French foreign ministry and USAID also contradicted Mugabe’s statements and called on him to allow aid to reach the people in need.
In 2008, parliamentary and presidential elections were held. The Opposition Movement for Democratic Change (MDC), led by Morgan Tsvangirai, won both the parliamentary election and the first round of the presidential, sparking a run-off in a latter. The three month campaign between the first and second rounds of the presidential election was marred by increasing violence targeted at MDC supporters. The MDC stated that at least 86 of its supporters -including Gibson Nyandoro and Tonderai Ndira– had been murdered, and that 200,000 others had been forced out of their homes by pro-government militia. The election itself was reportedly marked by mass intimidation, with citizens being forced to vote, and required to show their ballot to government party representatives before placing it in the ballot box.
PART 2.1: MY DAD
Even though my dad is nearly bald, his face reminds me to his impressing lifeline. I am grateful to live rich, and full of luxury like a bed of roses, and he was the one which told me that life isn’t always bloom.
He was born on Friday, 4th January 1963, long before Malaysia became independent 9 months and 12 days after. He was born far away in a village, surrounded in a serene environment named Engkilili. I came there for the first time in 2006, after my cousin, Zul finished his PMR examination (PMR, abbreviation of Penilaian Menengah Rendah, an examination compulsory for all Form 3 students, will be ceased to exist in 2011).
My dad worked as… err… I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know what job is he is in. He said; just refer him to as mechanics. He worked in many parts of the world, and he got a full ship of bucks, too. Currently, he was working with SeaDrill, a company centered in Sweden (if I’m not mistaken) through Tioman Drilling, a Miri-born company, which hires a lot of workers but very few petroleum engineers.
I’ve a story about petroleum engineering. It’s about my dad, which was informed by somebody that I was to plot my future studies. He secretly told my mum, “Let him study Petroleum Engineering,” and that news leaked far away in Labuan.
I was thinking about courses, and in my target was: petroleum engineering, chemical engineering, pure physics and chemistry. They are big courses, and a lot of bucks, for sure. My eyes are seeing money right then…
But, something puzzled me. How can he know about it?
Down memory lane, yet, he is the greatest dad I ever have in the world even though he doesn’t look like the best. The low-profile look made me amazed about him. So, now I write this special for him, special for his 48th birthday on 4 January.
When I was in Year 1, he sent me to school at first. It was Monday, 4th January 1999, his 36th birthday. I never felt of been in school before. That’s when I feel away from family for the first time. Not bad, really. But it looked a little bad when a guy made me feel bad.
I told my dad about it. I always cried since the first day. That guy always disturbed me, pinched me, beat me until he saw me suffer.
All of it come to a surprise when my dad came and slow-talked with him. I saw him cried then. Pity him, my heart had spoken.
Since then, he was my good friend until Year 4. Since then, I never met him.
Even though my life is quite comfortable, actually it’s not. That’s what my dad told me.
He is not a fortune collector, but fortune keeps on coming. In reality, 30 years ago, the opposite happens.
He came from a family of paddy farmers. In Malaysia, rice can only be harvested once a year. I wondered how he can live in such family with nine members.
Then, he was adopted by a middle-class family in Kuching. He was kept by the family until he grows to an adult. He was given education until Form 5, but since SPM is not yet 100 percent government-sponsored, so he was about to find his own money.
The family, I consider to be just below average. Every day, my dad have to sell something he could to support his expenses, as well as for his SPM. What I know is that for one subject in SPM, it costs (in a range of) RM 10.50 to RM 12.00 per subject. The most expensive will be the so-called English 1119, which could costs RM 20.00 per student. I took SPM in 2009, and the government paid me RM 141.50 for 10 subject- Malay Language, English 1119, Physics, Chemistry, Islamic Teachings, History, Mathematics, Additional Mathematics (it’s all about calculus), and two ‘killer’ subjects, Biology and so-called ‘Grade Killer’ English for Science and Technology, or EST in short. I got 4A+’s, 2A’s, 2A-‘s, and 2 hope-killer B+’s.
I expected my dad should save around RM 140 for the SPM.
What about his results? He won’t tell me.
My dad proved me, with just an average results, he still have a good job. But still, I am heavily frustrated. WH and Fatin, for example, had a 10 A’s and 9A’s, respectively. I’m totally frustrated with that. I’m done talking about SPM.
My dad proved me numbers isn’t everything, but satisfaction and commitment should be the number one.
Just want you, the readers to know, my dad is very observant. He will observe every single inch and second of his and his children’s actions. The simplest example is my sister, Iqah. I am very sure that she was truly stressed during her school days. Being forced to study is her worst enemy. She appeared to be lazy every day at home.
My parents and I actually forced her to study so in the future she won’t regret. I encouraged her to study, so she will be in the boarding school just like me. But there is a problem. She didn’t even apply for the boarding school.
Then, comes her UPSR result, and some disappointment. She made it too bad, with two A’s and three B’s. When I asked her for the B subjects, her reply was: Science, Mathematics, and for sure, English.
I hated that. Why her English should is so bad? Simple answer from me: she was lazy.
I got 5A’s in UPSR. How could she give such results? Maybe it was our fault. We tortured her too much. I’ve done talking about Iqah. Let her make herself better.
Even though sometimes my father looks loud, but in fact he tries not to.
Offshore, he has a lot of good colleague on deck. Working with ‘black gold’ to match customer’s demand is a satisfaction to the workers. That’s why he wanted so much if I could work with him. He will be the senior mechanic, whilst I will be the junior petroleum engineer. There will be Zamhari Sr. and Zamhari Jr. on the deck. So what? I don’t know. Maybe he just wants someone to talk with or somebody to work or to cuddle with on the rig. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever it is, I tried to match his dream. Maybe he really wanted me to realize his dream. Maybe, otherwise, he just wants to see me better than him, just like other fathers in the world. Well, then, he is the best dad I ever had. I won’t want to change a father. He is just fit for me.
EPISODE 2: MY MUM
Back to 48 years ago, a year after a new Sarawak was born. It was my mother, a daughter of a paddy farmer. 48 years ago, Miri was an isolated, small town located 156 km from Bandar Seri Begawan, and a surprising 2200 km from Kuala Lumpur, its own capital. Miri is like, in my analogy, a child in a boarding school, away from his own ‘father’, but very close to its ‘guardian’.
48 years ago (until now), Miri was the heaven of oil and gas in Malaysia. Despite being the first and the oldest oil refinery in Malaysia, it was a home for acres and hectares of paddy fields. Every evening during my mother’s childhood, her siblings would line up, with a device called the ‘crab’ in their hands; they have a paddy-cutting race. I don’t know how fun it will be for I was born just decades after.
My mum came from a below average family, but better than my father because they have a vast paddy field. Her family is big, with 11 siblings’ altogether, and she was the tenth. Four of them were died before I was born.
Seven was left, and my grandmother is still alive.
She was, she is and she will always be the best mum I’ve had. She was there when I was crying for milk. She was there when I was unable to perform simple division when I was 9. She was there when I was sick.
And lastly, she was there when I was there, looking for my SPM results.
And she was there when I was back from the NS camp.
And she was there when I cried for telling the truth about me.
And she is always at home, calling me to have a hearty meal.
I ever tell her that I loved Fatin, but I never tell her the same about WH. It seems like she likes me to befriend WH compared to Fatin.
Why? I will tell about it later, dear readers.
Just that, some memories and tragedies happened made me hated her, and the latter really disappointing me. A lot.
She had beaten me when I was 6, when I was refused to go to the kindergarten.
My cousin was sick then. She didn’t go to the kindergarten and I thought to be like her, to skip class. I don’t know, until now, what actually happened to my mother. She suddenly stroked me with the cane. My whole body was hurt. I went to the class, down.
12 years later, she hurt me once again. All happened after I had my SPM results. I was to apply the scholarship to the overseas. The options were plenty and I thought to apply for engineering in the USA. But then, my mum came. It was all about misunderstanding about the scholarship. She thought that all the expenses for transport, etc. was on our own expenses, and only the courses was sponsored fully; and her idea was totally opposite.
She asked me to apply for the scholarship for studying in the country. So I replied, “For what? It is useless to apply- we can still afford the higher education in the country!” with a loud voice. But then, she forced me to do so. I wanted so much to study overseas, and then, she refused me to.
Then the day of interview came. All of the interviewee was applying to go overseas. I had no necktie; thanks to somebody that kindly lent me his. I was feeling weird that all of the interviewees are applying for overseas study. I felt really useless. I really felt I was damn stupid that day. Why I said so? I already expected I never have a chance to get a scholarship to study in Malaysia.
My heart was broken when I didn’t get what I aimed for. I went half-crazy since then. In matriculation, even until now (I am still in matriculation), I am craving for that.
I was like crazy when I was informed that Fatin was succeeded to have a sponsorship for a biotechnology studies in the USA. Then my mood slumped again. I was really down for months, even until now. I suspected that is one of the events in my life lead me to depression.
I challenged myself to struggle in matriculation so I could study overseas. Malaysian matriculation program was awarded the ISO 9000 that enables the student to study at their fullest extent in the world.
Unfortunately, I just can’t. When I take my result for the end-semester 1 exams, my heart was broken into uncountable pieces. 3.47. I hate the number. WH got a 4.
Look, I really feel disappointed with myself and my mum. My hopes are broken into pieces. I really feel down for that. And for your information, I was performing at my worst in MUET. I got a Band 4.
I feel ashamed of myself. I’m sorry Mum; I’ve to tell you that I can’t forget that moment.
EPISODE 3: MY FRENCH TEACHER
I remembered the first day I learnt French. Un, deux, trois… lundi, mardi, mercredi…
It was fun learning French, especially when it comes to verbs. We have to do some conjugations onto the words we are going to use. Sometimes, we need to add some ‘roofs’ or ‘eyebrows’ or even a ‘tail’ to some letters so that the meaning should not be changed.
But I am not going to tell about her class. As you know, EVERYTHING IS A REASON is invented and dedicated to some person who helped me to change during this stage of improvement, my teenage years. And one day, if I can publish EVERYTHING IS A REASON, I will only produce some hard-covers only for the personnel I dedicated in this story. I pledged to do so before I am 19.
I called her Mademoiselle Goh. She was a little younger than my mother, and she was the only teacher in the school; teaching French. She is just not like other teachers in the school, which some of them have their own agenda on teaching. The school itself gave too much pressure on their students to get all A’s for their PMR or SPM. Just like other boarding school in Malaysia, they push the students to study, study, and study. As a result, some of them were trying to break the stressful school rules.
I tried to be nice to all teachers in the school, but I tried my best to be the nicest in front of her. Why? Nothing.
A lot of teachers, from some sources, said that they don’t like me. The same goes to my friends. Even until now, around 3000 people hate me. But then I tell myself, “Never focus on people you hate, just love the people who loves you.”
Who loves me? Who cares about me?
Maybe I should find a best friend; I thought when I was 16. So I tried to be a best friend to somebody; maybe one day, I will find somebody. I talked to my mother, but her answer was disappointing. I talked to a counselor, disappointment results in.
Well, maybe that’s the start of my depressing years. It was 2007.
And now, it is 2011. I’ve searched everywhere for the answer; I am still searching for it. Is it high up in the sky, or just here in my heart?
I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song…
And I never believed in myself, except for exams.
For 5 years, I’ve searching for the remedy for the emotion wound I tried and I hoped I could heal it. Maybe there is a reason behind it.
I’ve been hurt so many times since I was small, but I am just hard to realize that such disappointment will make me strong in the future. Tears flew down my cheeks for many times, sometimes with a smile, and sometimes it comes with heartbreak. But still, I can smile, just because I am who I am. I was never been like this before.
The journey goes and not yet ends. It will only end when there is no reason for me to end this journey I called Life.
So, what Mademoiselle told me?
Before I tell the answer, there is a story behind that. It all goes back to the calming night of 16th May 2009. I just finished my practice for the day’s performance. I remembered a teacher’s song, entitled Thank You, Teacher. It was not the ordinary song students heard during Teacher’s Day annually, instead it was a song created by a teacher when I was in primary school.
I waited for all my friends to sleep. It was 2 am.
I wrote a letter to her. I told her whatever I wanted to tell her, especially what I’ve experienced, and about the search.
I gave her the letter with a paper bag with gifts in it. I just know that she don’t like teddy bears or dolls like what my seniors did.
So again, what Mademoiselle told me?
I got the reply a few days after. And it was unexpected, she gave me an answer, and the answer touched my emotions.
“In life, sometimes, there are some ups and downs. You just can’t avoid it. OK, regarding the letter, it was so touching. I understand your problems, but try to think positively. Maybe one day you will find one.”
Since then, I tried to do good things to her, and I tried to be as nice as I can, since it was the last year I would met her. Luckily, I met her again in 2010.
She gave me a book, The Secret. “You should read it,” she said. I tried to understand what the ‘secret’ is all about, and I decided to spread the word.
When SPM was approaching, she noticed that all of my classmates looked stressful. One day after the roll-call, she asked the whole class. “Do you crave for something? Don’t you want to eat something?”
I know, she wanted to do something. All my classmates seemed to say OK. Then, she took the order, and each of the classmates paid for the price. Surprisingly, she bought us all the things we asked for. She willingly did.
Wow, I was very surprised that she could sacrifice her time to do so. All of us were waiting for the food. Instead of having the food in the dining hall, I had my fried rice.
Sometimes, people we loved so much will leave us.
20th November 2009.
It was the third day of SPM when I take the test for the ‘killer subject’ and it is the last day I became her student.
I was just like crying to see students; teachers were crying and students asked for forgiveness.
And yes, it was the last day I met her.
She told me,
“Sometimes we have to accept the truth that sometimes there will be times when you have to leave someone. But in life, as you grow up, you will definitely see that you will face a greater problem. So, just take care of yourself, and remember, try to think positively.”
I just can’t forget that she have changed me a lot. During my days without her around, I was totally screwed up. I lost my focus, I lost everything. I lost an A for Biology.
I’m sorry my dear teacher, maybe that’s the best I could do for my SPM, but I will never forget the words you told me.
EPISODE 4: FATIN, MY FIRST LOVE
I knew her the day I had my Character Building class in the National Service camp. She looks pretty in my eyes, and that’s maybe the reason for me to LIKE her, but it isn’t the reason for me to LOVE her. She was an active teenage girl in the camp. For information, she is 240 days older than me, but she looks 240 days younger that I thought.
The friendship became closer in the Integration class. I tried to be close to her, and from that moment I tried to know and recognize her backgrounds.
As time goes by, she seems to be closer to me. I sent her a lot of SMS and I always observed her when I go out of the dorm.
One thing I like about her- she like to befriend and to treat her friends in her own ways. So, how does she treat me?
In the camp, we were both observing one another. She even wore the garments with the same color as me. One day I wore pink, she did wear pink. One day she wore orange, she wore orange. Most of the times, we wear blue.
I like to disturb and see her in the dining hall, because it is one of the closest point I could met her. The closest will be the classrooms.
I saw that she is very committed to the friendship when she texted me a lot and tried to match me. Just like Mademoiselle Goh, we shared a lot of stories together: our parents, our interests, ourselves, our friends, our schools…etc. Based on the stories she told me since I knew her, she is far better than me in some aspects. She was an active teen, and participated a lot in activities. She is also a brilliant girl.
That is when I started to use the SMS a lot. It was a satisfaction to SMS somebody, just like other teens, especially to the opposite sex. Sometimes, girls understand me better than the guys. I started to be close to the girls in the camp just because I never have a chance to befriend girls in the school so close.
Honestly, maybe I am a perfectionist, but sometimes, I realize; being perfect is not perfect enough. I tried to be as good as I can, but maybe my best is just not good enough.
I learnt to be myself since then. So, in the camp I observe the ‘warriors’. I have found that teens are all different in their way of thinking. Some of them looked not to take the benefits from the program. Some of them resisted the change in them. Some of them fortunately changed a lot. I learnt that sometimes change is unnecessary if I don’t have a reason for it. But now, everything is a reason for me to alter my attitude.
Yes, everything is a reason for me to change. Yet, I am still resisting the change. Let me take my time, OK. A small change could take years, so you can imagine how hard it is to change. And yet, everything is a reason for this bad feeling I experienced. One of the definite reasons is Fatin, but I’m not blaming her for this.
And that’s why I wrote EVERYTHING IS A REASON. I tried to forget the grief, the bad memories and the depression I faced. I do this solely to say aloud that I want so much to make myself better than what I have right now.
See, I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can be so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me
If I can see it
Then I can do it
If I just believe it
There’s nothing to it
Oh, yeah?
If that’s the case, I won’t be like now. It is just a matter of lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Many of my friends said I am a very confident teenager, and some said that I have a strong determination to achieve something in my life. Just that, I don’t know what actually happened to me and put me down. Perhaps it is an unexplainable emotion that haunts me.
Who knows?
Fatin contacted me a lot after the 67-day program. Every day, it is a must for me to SMS her. I seldom called her. Sometimes, I called her in 3 o’clock in the morning. Then my mother comes. She was a little puzzled when I always talk to Fatin to 3 am in the morning.
Sometimes, we were just talking about the same things. We were keeping on repeating stories.
One day, my mother scolded me.
She is actually irritated to see me holding the hand phone most of the time at home. As a response, I am just keep on shouting.
But still, I kept on contacting her until one day when I was really shocked. We are both applying for scholarship. I just couldn’t accept the truth that she will go to leave me maybe forever one day. She is in a sponsorship to study in the USA. She is currently in the American Degree Transfer Program in a college in Shah Alam, 2200 km away from me.
From then, the guilt haunted me. I was so ashamed of myself. I cried a lot, until I entered matriculation. I am crying, and crying, and crying. Then, I ran for the Student Representative election. I won 344 votes, leaving my vote behind.
At least, it heals me a little, and lately, it hurts me more severely than before. How this guilt screwed me up. But we are still in contact, and I wanted so much to be beside her. However, she said that she has somebody right now. I just can’t do anything, so I just say that maybe I am not for her.
Still, she shares her grief and sadness, and laughter to me. I’ve seen her boyfriend’s picture. I just was speechless. I think he is far better than me.
Now, I’ve lost my first love, but still I can do something to make her love me, even though we are friends. Who taught me about that? Thanks to TeensHealthTM and MyHealthTM portals.
My advice to my friends: sometimes you can enjoy some memorable moments with your beloved friend, without being in a date.
The guilt still haunts me until now, and it seems that I need somebody to talk. Luckily, in matriculation, I met somebody that may help me. I told all my secrets to her, and I don’t permit her to tell anyone. Who is her?
You’ll find out in the next chapter.
CHAPTER 5
IN MEMORY OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS
HARD and triggering. That’s the stress I have to face in almost a year. Even though it will go to end, I’m still struggling to live in this depressing life of a student.
I had a big circle of friends. I miss them, really. We are all 19, and we study in the same college. But time matters a lot. Four of them left the circle, and now, the memory often came, with tears of joy and grief in advance.
I participated in the election of the Students’ Representative Council. As a result, 2o representative were elected by the multi-vote ballot system. I never thought that the moment changed my life forever.
From then, all of us look like brothers and sisters; the bond of friendship is like a big chain, a big circle. We went out together, we study together, we had lunch (and dinner) together, we ‘travel’ to Perak together, and we do almost everything together. It was a wonderful semester, perhaps the most wonderful months in my life. But as time passes by, in the end, the laughter and excitement fades eventually.
Two of them are leaving for doing medicine in Egypt. One of them is leaving for a diploma and one of them left the college to work.
Yes, the joy is fading and eventually I lost myself. The second semester is like a hell on earth. I am mentally tortured. I lost the friends that motivated me, that share their stories and jokes to me, that I accept as my brothers and sisters. They are, honestly, the best circle of friends I ever had.
Things are getting worse and the circle is broken. Ever since, we hardly meet except for meetings and official ceremonies.
I admit that I fell in love with someone in the circle of friends. I don’t know why, but it seems that her humility and her personality became a major factor of it. If I don’t see her for a day, I don’t feel good for the entire day. I don’t think that it will return all the friends back, but at least it helps. Since the day I noticed I faced depression, she helped me a lot to gain back my confidence and happiness. Even though right now the depressive bouts never disappear, at least I could taste the joy of my teenage years.
And still, I wanted to have the circle back. After the circle breaks, we never go out together, we never study together, and we never celebrate birthdays together. My birthday was the last. It was like my last 9th November.
I wanted them to return. I really missed them. I want to go out together, to laugh together, to have lunch together, to study together, and to enjoy our teenage life together, AGAIN.
PRINCE RIGHTY 1 